Single and Okay With That

I am at the ripe age where people start thinking about marriage and families. In my early 20s (and not getting any younger), I should have a steady boyfriend who should be my husband someday soon. We should have already discussed how many kids we want and obviously we need names for them already. 

Guess what? I don't have that. 

In a world that promotes dating and marriage as a flippant thing, the church has taken a strong defense in the opposite, urging young people to find a spouse quickly and stick with them. I understand the thinking and reasoning behind it, but it also leaves people like myself wondering what we're doing wrong. 

Yes, I am single. No, I don't need your help finding a boy. 

The first thing people at church always asked was if I found a guy rather than how school was doing or how I was mentally or emotionally or spiritually. And I know their concern, but it's this constant questioning that led me through high school and college believing that there was something wrong with me. That my lack of a relationship meant I was failing in some way. 

And that's wrong. 

Because it perpetuates the idea that we find the purpose in life in a relationship, a family, a home with a steady income, and not in Jesus Christ. 

It's taken me a long time to understand this: in my freshman year, a young woman, married and pregnant, explained that she always thought marriage and a family would make her life complete, but it doesn't. Only Christ can do that. I rolled my eyes at the time. It's easy for her to say that, she already has it all. But I can tell you now, as a single woman with no dating prospects, I am beginning to understand what she meant. 

It's hard to wrap your head around it when the world, both secular and Christian, tout the wonders of dating and marriage. And even now, I still struggle with the idea that God's plan might have me single for the rest of my days, but I think I know now what I didn't know then. 

My relationship status doesn't define me. 

I am beginning to be okay with not having a guy. With not knowing if I will ever be married. Do I want it? Yes. But if I can't be okay with the idea of being single, who's to say I'll be okay when I'm in a relationship?

Life is a mess. For me, it seems even messier than usual. I struggle to find balance as I wade through vet bills and rent and student loans under minimum wage all while searching for that mysterious career job. If I had one more unknown in my life, I might just crack. 

One day, I want to have a husband and a family, but right now I'm okay being single. I haven't failed as a human being because I don't have a boyfriend. God is enough and I know He has amazing things in store for me. 

From whale spouts to eagles wings: exploring Oregon.

When my parents talked to me about a graduation trip, my mind immediately went to London. My three month study abroad there made me fall in love with England. I wanted to go back. I wanted to explore Scotland again and the tiny little towns that hold the character and beauty of the English countryside. I also considered going somewhere new. I've always wanted to see Venice or Rome. I want to see the giants causeway in Northern Ireland and the ancient ruins of Pompeii. Europe has so much to offer.

Due to cost and timing though, an overseas trip seemed unreachable with each passing moment. I started considered a closer to home trip. I had an inkling of an idea. I found a hotel on Pinterest that seemed worth a visit but who would go to Newport, Oregon? I mean, what does Oregon have to offer that England cannot top?

Nevertheless, I scouted out the terrain. Newport is a small coastal town that boasts a lighthouse and beach trails. The hotel that I found is really what drew me to this tiny town. Sylvia Beach Hotel is a book lovers dream. The three store building is settled on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Each room is dedicated to a specific author. From Shakespeare to Hemingway to Rowling, even Dr. Seuss for kids.

A little more research and we had a plan for a trip. We'd start on the coast, spending time at my hotel find, then see the redwoods in Northern California and end up in Portland for a few days. The plans were vague and we didn't book hotels in an effort to have a relaxed vacation, free to change our minds should we wish to.

And I'm so glad we ended up going to Oregon.

The land itself is beautiful. Lush green forest covers the hills and mountains. Pristine beaches stretch as far as you can see. Yes, it was cold, but I loved it. Oregon was untouched country. We saw eagles and elk and whales and sea lions and so much more.

And one of the best parts? Sylvia Beach Hotel.

Yes, it's in a small town and it's an old hotel. The floors creak and the rooms have the musty small you get in old libraries and your grandparents house. The atmosphere more than makes up for it though.

A typical day starts with having a cup of coffee or tea in the library overlooking the ocean. There could be five or six people there with you but everyone is quiet. Silence is understood there, not awkward. During the day you can mosey down the beach or drive up to the lighthouse. The day is yours to explore and there's no hurry to be anywhere. The hotel offers dinner in the evening, where you can chat with other guests as the sun sets on the beach. People are friendly, willing to talk or sit in silence. Then you can retire to your room or the library and read to your heart's content. It's a wonderful place. It gave me high hopes for the trip.

From there, we traveled south along the coast into California. It might have been my prejudice against California, but I felt a difference in the atmosphere almost immediately. Nevertheless, we continued to our intended destination, the famous redwoods. We booked a hotel with less than friendly staff and somewhat suspicious tenants and tried to focus on the beauty of nature around us. The trees that surround us were hundreds of years old and so grew in the oddest shapes. I loved exploring and getting lost in the trees (trying to ignore the slight fear of getting ticks and Lyme disease). We found a hidden beach and tried watching our Spurs win in the finals. I'm so glad I went, but I was already longing for the Oregon coast.

So after a few days, we traveled back up north, cutting through the heart of the State to end in Portland. Portland held one thing for me: Powell's bookstore. This independent bookstore was great. I could spend days in the multiple story, city block store and still feel incomplete. Books upon books upon books. New books and used books and rare books and everything in between. Every town needs a Powell's.

The rest of the trip was spent mostly outdoors. We explored the Lewis and Clark landmarks and took an excruciatingly slow train on the Hood River. We drove up Mt. Hood, watching the temperature drop the higher we climbed. Finally we ended our trip with a mile and a half hike up the wettest part of Oregon to the top of Multnomah Falls. It was sad to go back to 90 degree weather when I was just getting used to 60's and rainy.

The redwoods were amazing, Mt. Hood was spectacular, and Multnomah Falls was breathtaking, but if I ever end up in Oregon again, I know I'll be spending my time in a small beach town in a blue building with wonderful stories inside.

The Little Things

The 2013-2014 school year has not been my year.

I should preface that statement though. Nothing tragic has happened. There has been no major catastrophe that occurred and has left me alone or penniless. Instead, it's been the little things.

And little things add up fast.

It's not just dealing with people's foul moods occasionally as you struggle to help them as a part of your job, but the constant barrage of people thinking you aren't qualified to help, or simply don't want help. It's not just one homework assignment or one test, but finding yourself with three projects, seven assignments and two tests all in one week. It's not just graduation, but struggling to figure out what to do with your life afterwards, and wonder why you spent four years in college besides gaining an impressive amount of debt.

And it doesn't go away, it just escalates.

All this makes me very grateful for the people God has put in my life. Especially one who has been reminding me recently that it's not just the annoying little things that make up our life. Little victories can be found as well.

And little things add up fast.

My friend has Cerebral Palsy that, as she states, makes her a bit wobbly. Despite having this, she has the most amazing stories from growing up. If you want the best high school stories, just ask her. The one that really struck me was the day she learned to tie her shoes.

To the average person, tying our shoes is such a basic and unthoughtful event. For my friend, she had difficulty gripping things, so she never really learned how, just assumed she wouldn't be able to and found shoes that she didn't need to tie. Her best friend disagreed. He spent hours one day, helping her learn how, because he saw, as I see every day, her disability doesn't define her. And now, she knows how to tie her shoes. And tells everyone this story because it shows one thing:

Small things matter.

Because with the tiny things that add to your burden, there are small things that lighten it as well. Sometimes, we forget the victories and focus on the defeats. At least, I know I do. 

So, as I push through to graduation, I'm sticking close to those who remind me of the victories, not the defeats. David fought off the giant with a small stone, so too will I fight off my giants. 

One small victory at a time.